just checking

Does anyone even read this anymore? I mean... was anybody reading it when I last posted something OVER A MONTH AGO!?

I am...

... getting Taser certified on Wednesday.

It's going to hurt.

A LOT.

hello, vague

HATE being stabbed in the back.

LOVE having proof of the lies.

Still feel defeated and not quite as relieved as I should, and like it's too little, too late.

I've done all I can. It's out of my hands now.

second chances

Do you ever feel like you've fucked everything up so badly that you just need to do ONE THING right?

I'm there.

never again - complete with a few f bombs

I'm done. I just can't put myself through another "visit" to my parents' house. The snide comments and double standards are just too much. I love my mom... but DAMN. And, as with the last time I visited, I am not going to give specifics about what was said/done. Let's just say that it started before I even got there (when my mom informed me that I would be sleeping alone in what used to be the playroom, because she had given JP and the kids the master bedroom) and didn't end until... well... it still hasn't ended, since I just received a "dating tips" email from her, to which I will not ever respond, unless I can say "Fuck off" without completely alienating her...?

To top it all off, I cried like a fucking baby at the reception when they played "What a Wonderful World" (the song my dad and I danced to at my reception). It was a version sung by... a female... but it was so sweet. I heard my dad tell my sister that I must be remembering the last time I heard this song. So true.

And when Louis Armstrong's version came on later, I sensed my dad stand up from the table, and I knew he was going to ask me to dance. I felt his hand on my shoulder and wished I had thought to take my dinner napkin with me. I managed not to sob all over his ivory tuxedo, but it was a bittersweet moment.

Then, on Sunday, my older brother broke his hand during a cycling outing with JP, and it was JP's fault. Maybe? I don't know. It was just a freak accident, involving a pillar in the middle of the sidewalk.

ANYWAY.

We made it back, I finally made it back to work (after another day off), but it's been a long couple of weeks.

I need a vacation...